Dazed and Confused
As time goes on, my Alzheimer’s disease has slowly progressed. Confusion for me is an everyday thing when I first awake, especially if I wake up during a dream. A few days ago I had a particularly severe case of morning confusion. I had been dreaming, and although I don’t remember the content of the dream, I had the feeling it had been a nightmare. I successfully talked myself through the steps of getting dressed, went downstairs, and fixed breakfast for our dog Jack. By this time, I was feeling pretty much normal, although Lois pointed out that I had forgotten to close the refrigerator door. I laughed and then suddenly realized that I was listening to an earworm of “Dazed and Confused” by Led Zeppelin. I hear phrases of music much of the time. It may be a whole song, but more commonly it is a musical phrase that repeats. It is usually pleasant, and I can’t always identify the tune. I am usually alerted to the earworm by subconsciously clapping out the rhythm on my teeth. I would say that most of them have roots in rock music of the 1960s and 70s. One of the most common for me is “House of the Rising Sun” by the Animals.
I don’t recall ever having had a previous earworm appearance of “Dazed and Confused.” Although I really like most of the Led Zeppelin song list, “Dazed and Confused” would not be my pick as a favorite. But I must say it is masterful in evoking confusion and loss, especially as seen in the 15-minute video from a live concert at the Royal Albert Hall in 1970 where guitarist Jimmy Page goes wild using a violin bow on his guitar about 4 minutes in. Confusion indeed! But I don’t need any more confusion and loss. I’m going to try to convince my earworm DJ to stick with the Beatles in the future!
I could be handy mending a fuse
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside,
Sunday mornings, go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty-four?
I look forward to your posts. Please keep at it.
It is most informative to hear what is going on in your life and your head and also your wife’s comments.
God bless.
Dan, I always learn something new from you in your posts, and I appreciate how you continue to share your experience here. Thinking of you and Jack on your walks, and with your loving family as a new spring unfolds.
Great song “When I’m sixty-four” I’m just sixty which it feels like not so long ago was old…but now I’m there not so old!! Weird how dwelling on the confusion of Alzeimers seems to have themed your music worm as you call it. Does playing other music maybe before bed help? Best of luck with it all Dan. Appreciate you talking us through what you’re going through. Bless you for doing this x
My husband and I have followed your posts since reading your book together early in his journey with Alzheimer’s. We learned about you from Dr V at UCSF during a drug trial . We found your journey as an inspiration to live life and discover the joy still present during the struggles. We found the three years at UCSF to be a similar experience thanks to the doctors and medical staff always supporting us to live and enjoy life and not go down the path of “ fixing” Mike or trying to be the first cure. I know for certain both you and UCSF really helped me to be a calm and supportive partner without taking away his agency. We also read Amy Blooms’s book “In Love” sharing her and her husband’s journey and ultimately going to Dignitas. I recently returned from Switzerland alone and as much as I hoped he wouldn’t decide to use the VAD option I find myself grateful to those who supported us living life as well as grateful to Dignitas. I want to thank you for your trail blazing and bringing to light this disease and informing all about the joys and yet sadly the stigma of this disease in an ableist society that which we live. You made a substantial difference for the positive in his journey. We were childhood sweethearts and reunited almost ten years ago and yet got married just four years ago about the time he got diagnosed. Your influence helped me honor him and assist him both in day to day life but in respecting and honoring his wishes at the end. So thank you and I will continue to think about you and Lois and I wish you the very best.
Leslie
Wow.
Leslie, you are so special.
Thank you for the post.
Thanks for the very kind letter Leslie. Please stay in touch.
Dan
Leslie,
I want to thank you for your kind letter and for the understanding you were, and perhaps still are, sharing with your partner.
I just posted a comment re: Dr. Gibbs “Confusion” post. I was heartened to find another who experienced a special relationship with their partner as Alzheimer’s progressed.
I, too, was fortunate enough to marry my high school sweetheart and we were able to experience a very special love as her disease progressed. As my post says she was granted a gift a year and a day ago, and died suddenly and unexpectedly in only a few minutes.
It occurred to late on a summer night in a flower garden and we were still in love — however, just short of 64 years of marriage.
I’ve been so grateful for the gift afforded her, and although she lives, healthy again, in my mind, I miss her deeply.
I appreciate your honesty and find it especially important as I felt that the periods of greatest confusion, often with my identity, occurred immediately following a period of sleep. The sleep was often that brief interval that occurs without realizing that consciousness has been lost. She often felt that my description of the confusion was like a dream that she was having trouble coming out of — a poor description but it gave us a means of communicating about something that could be understood by both of us.
I must add that I was speaking about my wife, Jean, who died almost exactly a year ago.
Her death was almost certainly from a massive stroke involving a vascular weakness incurred during ARIA while she participated in the same Alzheimer’s study that Dr. Gibbs participated in.